Month: July 2011

Changing Perceptions On Changing Diapers

Diaper Changing

It seems ad executives are always dreaming up new ways to sell the same old thing; trying to capture a larger part of the market share. Diapers are big business, and it seems once parents have found a brand that works for them, they are pretty loyal to that brand, which can make it tough to convince them to try something new. I understand ad executives have got a job to do, and I don’t argue with their right to do it. A common way to sell consumers on something  is to use humor, and to try to show them how buying a certain product or service will solve a problem they are having. I understand the approach, but don’t appreciate it when babies  are perceived as the “problem,” and  the humor comes at their expense.

Huggies brand (Kimberly Clark) diapers is at it again. They are launching a new ad campaign today to sell  “Little Movers” Slip On Diapers-essentially a more absorbent “pull up” diaper, with Velcro tabs along the sides. These “new” diapers are intended to make it easier for parents to change wiggly, or active babies. It’s not the product I have a  problem with, it’s the way babies are  are referred to in the ad that I take exception to. The terms used to describe the “problem” babies? “Rolling Pins,” ” Acrobutts,”  “Streakers,” and  “Booty Scoochers.”  The ad slogan?  “Catch. Slip On. Release.”  Chris Turner, a creative director at Ogilvy,  who worked on the campaign had this to say about the slogan:

“At times, these kids can be like little wild animals and you just want to catch the little guy, quickly do your change, and then do your release. It really is just a more clever way of communicating ‘as easy as 1-2-3.’ ”

Really, Mr. Turner??? Little wild animals???  Simply  a  clever way of communicating  ‘as easy as 1-2-3.’ ??? I pity your child. I’d like to suggest to you that human babies are not little wild animals, nor are they objects, and they don’t deserve to be made the “butt” of jokes by “clever” ad executives such as yourself . Further, diapering a baby should have nothing in common with fishing at all,  as implied by the  ‘Catch and Release’ campaign tag line.

Let me suggest that the “help” parents might need transforming difficult diaper changing times into more enjoyable experiences for both adult and baby, doesn’t come from the particular diaper they buy or use, but from the  attitude and sensitivity they bring to the task at hand.

Magda Gerber had this to say about diapering:

How many times do you think a baby gets diapered? Six or seven thousand times. Why don’t we do it nicely? Why don’t we make it a learning experience? Why don’t we want a baby to enjoy being diapered? Diapering is  very important. Diapering is sometimes viewed as an unpleasant chore… a time separate from play and learning.  But in the process of diapering we should remember that we are not only doing the cleaning, we are intimately together with the child. We are all affected, negatively or positively, by cumulative experiences in our lives. One of the first such cumulative experiences is diapering, involving much of the child’s and parent’s time and energy during those first, most impressionable two to three years of the child’s life. While being diapered, the baby is close to the parent and can see her face, feel her touch, hear her voice, observe her gestures, and learn to anticipate and know her.

In How to Love a Diaper Change, Janet Lansbury gives tips for turning a diaper change into an enjoyable, connected time for baby and parent. I don’t know about you, but I think if I was a baby I’d appreciate being changed by someone who approached me with some sensitivity and respect, and saw and treated me as a person, instead of an object. I might be more able and willing to co-operate if I was included in the process, instead of having something done to me. I think babies pick up on, and respond  to our attitudes and approach to them, and if we act like we are in a rush to get through an unpleasant chore, they may respond in kind.

Won’t you join me in defending and speaking up on behalf of babies who can’t speak for themselves? What are your thoughts on Huggies newest ad campaign, and Magda Gerber’s ideas about diapering babies with respect?

What’s In A Name?

Names are an important key to what a society values. Anthropologists recognize naming as ‘one of the chief methods for imposing order on perception.’  ~David S. Slawson

Meet jeannezoo of  zella said purple. In her own words, Jeanne is  “an early childhood educator, artist, writer, book collector. committed to constructivist learning environments, documentation and photography as teacher research tools, and joy in the classroom.”  Jeanne recently wrote a beautiful post entitled because it is your name , which inspired me  to write this one.

In her post, Jeanne says,

KNOW that each name is important – the way it is pronounced and the respect it deserves.

The name IS the child that you are inviting, welcoming, and including into the family that is your classroom.

Uplift the names, uplift each child.

This reminded me of a conversation I once had with Magda Gerber about the importance of  calling each child by their name. Magda felt that it was especially important for early childhood professionals (teachers, nannies, pediatricians, etc.) to address even the tiniest babies by their given names, as opposed to calling them by pet, or nicknames. To Magda, it was a question of respect. In our society, it’s still  common for many, even professionals, to address both the very young and the elderly, using nicknames or pet names, which is disrespectful for two reasons;  it both diminishes a person, and  implies an intimacy and a power differential that should not exist.

IMG_0176-MOTION

As a teacher of young children, I’ve often witnessed that sometime around their second year, when toddlers are typically asserting their sense of individuality, they will insist on being called by their names, even by their nearest and dearest. Pet names won’t fly. Just last week, I was at  the park and I overheard an exchange between two siblings. The big sister (maybe five years old) was comforting her little brother who had just taken a minor tumble from the slide. She sweetly offered to help him get up, asked him if he was OK,  gave him a hug (which he returned) , and then she said,  “I’m sorry my wee little sweetie fell and got hurt.”  This seemed to offend and upset the little boy more than the fall had. He straightened up to his full height and indignantly declared: “I NOT wee sweetie, I Zwackery ( Zachery) !”

A favorite quote by Dr. Seuss comes to mind, “A person is a person, no matter how small.”  And, I might add, no matter how young or old, and thus -deserves the respect of being addressed by his or her given name, instead of as “dear” or “sweetie” or “munchkin” or “baby” or “cutie”.

Because after all, our names are unique unto us, and define who are. I have many roles in my life- that of daughter, sister, student, teacher, caregiver, friend, lover, fiance – but I define myself to myself  first and foremost by my name- Lisa.

Words have meaning and names have power.  ~Author Unknown

For the same reason I try to avoid labeling children, or talking about them in their presence without acknowledging or including them in the conversation, I try to call each child I meet by their given name. Over the years, I’ve had the honor of  caring for and teaching many children, and I remember each one of them by name.

Over time, I have also become very aware of how I am thinking about and describing children, both to myself and others. One day, a Mom who was frustrated with her young daughter was describing her as “clumsy, oafish, a little like a bull in a china shop.”  I replied that I didn’t think of her that way at all. I thought of  her as delightfully exuberant. Her Mom got tears in her eyes  as she thanked me, saying, “You always seem to find and see the best in every child.”  ( I try, but I’m not perfect,  and I don’t always get it right.)

But doesn’t  it make a  difference in the way you feel about, and interact with a child  if you use these words to describe his behavior:

“He knows his own mind, and is decisive. He needs my help to understand that sometimes others have different ideas and feelings about things.”

As opposed to using these words:

“He is obstinate and stubborn, and needs to learn that what he wants is not the only thing that matters.”

Father and child writing name in the sand

My favorite story about my name and my professional title?  I’ve always felt there is no good name to describe my current chosen work – babysitter, nanny, caregiver-  none of them feel quite right, or really fit. Magda Gerber came closest to accurately describing the work I do, when she coined the term “educarer” which could apply to either a  parent or a professional- anyone involved in caring  for  a child or children on a day-to-day basis. The term embodies the notion that ” we educate (or teach) as we care, and we care while we educate.”

But in this case, I have to tip my hat to S., who is now almost six years old, and for whom I have been caring since she was just under a year old. When S. was three and a half years old, she started attending a preschool program a few hours a day, in the mornings. When I would arrive to pick her up every day, she’d inevitably be out back playing, and several of her little friends would run to find her, calling out, ” S, your Mom is here.”  S. simply replied, “That’s not my Mom, that’s my Lisa,” which the other children seemed to understand, and accept immediately. And thus, I became known as “S.’s Lisa.”  When S. started Kindergarten last year, she was thrilled to find another of  her classmates had a “Lisa” too.  The best job “review” I ever received? “Everyone should be lucky enough to have a Lisa like you.”

I’d love it if you’d share your thoughts with me about “the meaning of words and the power of names.”

Five Good Reasons to Hand Your Car Keys Over to Your Toddler

Have you ever had an  idea come to you out of  the blue; an idea so obvious and simple, that you can’t believe no one has thought of it before? An idea you can’t wait to share with anyone who will listen, because you just know it will change the world for the better, and if not that, at least it can’t do much harm? Well I had one of those flashes today, and I am just itching to share, so here goes: I think this just may be the next “big thing” in parenting and educating babies and toddlers, the piece that has been missing and without  which our babies and toddlers aren’t faring nearly as well as they might. Are you ready to hear what this missing piece is? It is simply this: We should be encouraging and teaching our babies to drive as soon as they are sitting up on their own. Just think about it for a minute before you dismiss my idea out of hand. Here are five good reasons to begin drivers education before your child is even out of diapers.

The Young and The Reckless
1) First of all, driving is a complex skill that most people will need to learn in order to survive and thrive in our industrialized, highly mobile society. So it makes sense to introduce your child to the basics early. You want her to grow familiar and comfortable with this tool she will be using for the rest of her life. The earlier you introduce her,  the better. Of course, you aren’t going to just hand the keys over and leave her to her own devices; you’ve got to take it slow in the beginning. At first, you must always be present to supervise, guide, and interact. You can begin by just allowing your baby to sit in the driver’s seat, and let him practice playing with all of  the various knobs and buttons so he can see what they can do. (I  am, of course, writing a book, available soon on the e-reader of your choice, suitable  for use by parents and educators. It will be full of suggested guidelines, lesson plans, extended learning opportunities, books and games, and so much more, all intended to help you make the most of this overlooked but wonderful learning tool  that you no doubt have sitting in your driveway at this very moment.)

2) Which brings me to my second point: Cars are the ideal, interactive teaching and entertainment tools for young toddlers. Have you ever known a baby who doesn’t love to sit behind the wheel of a car,  honk the horn, fiddle with the radio controls, turn the wipers on and off, shift the gears, and so on? Toddlers learn through hands on interaction with objects in their environment, and they are thrilled when their actions cause things to happen. What better way to provide hours of interactive learning (disguised as play) for your little one? Also, to date, your baby has been a passive on-looker, as she’s been strapped in a car seat in the back, and has had nothing to do but bide her time, and stare out at the scenery during long car rides. By moving her to the front seat, and letting her get her hands on all of these wonderfully responsive knobs and buttons, you are moving her into the realm of an active participant in her own learning.

3) Think about this too: As your child grows, and her interests and skills grow, so does the number and variety of activities she can do, using the car. She can learn to put the keys in the ignition, and turn over the engine,  and as soon as she can reach the gas pedals and brake, she can actually take the car out for a spin. Steering, navigating, map skills,  plotting a course, reading road signs, following the rules of the road, oh gosh- the possibilities for expanded learning are just endless. She may even become interested in car care, and maintenance and learn to understand the workings of an engine. Some children will even be designing their own prototypes by the time they’re in elementary school.

4) Again, with so many learning opportunities, doesn’t it just make sense to introduce the car early? It seems to me the earlier we start teaching our babies how to operate and care for a car, the better chance they will have at becoming proficient drivers at a much earlier age. And just think about how this might benefit you as a parent. No more endless hours spent in the car, ferrying children back and forth to school, to doctor appointments, lessons, playdates – what have you.  By the time they’re about ten years old, children should be able to manage mostly on their own, and even arrange their own carpools. You can finally take a well deserved break, and they can feel the satisfaction of being able to get themselves to and from where they want to go- it will literally open up new worlds for them, at a much younger age than previously.

5) Finally, it’s time that we as a society stop underestimating our children, and what they are capable of. If we treat them like babies, incapable of  understanding and mastering complex tasks, they will continue to act like babies. Times change, and the way we teach our children has to change with the times. Children will still have plenty of time to run around outside, and generally act like children, as long as we remember that we are the ones in control of the keys, and we limit the time we allow them to spend in the car playing and practicing their driving skills.  But, if we are going to show our toddlers that we have any respect for them, that we believe in them and their capabilities, we’ve got to start giving them access to opportunities and tools that will  stretch their horizons, at an early age. We don’t want them falling behind, do we? Besides, who needs toys when you can just hand your baby the keys to the car and make him happy for hours?

Now, I can imagine that there may be a few of you out there who are still unconvinced. Innovative ideas are always met with some skepticism and resistance at first, but I’m sure that this one is a winner. I’d love to have the opportunity to be the first to hear and reply to your concerns and questions. I have no doubt I can help to allay any fears or misgivings you may have, so please, comment freely and honestly.

Talking to Grandparents
(Now that I’ve convinced you all that I’ve gone completely nuts, go back and re-read this post, inserting the word “computer” wherever I’ve written car or driving. I wrote this post tongue firmly in cheek, after reading a tweet by Lisa Belkin,  “Remember when toddlers used to be transfixed by your car keys? Ipad apps for Toddlers????”  I thought, “Toddlers are better off with the car keys…”  Most parents and early childhood educators would never think of handing a toddler the car keys, leading  him to the car and saying “OK, here you go, have at it”,  yet we might not think twice about handing a baby an iPhone or an iPad,  for entertainment or learning purposes.  There are marketers (no surprise), and there are  even some early childhood professionals who advocate for the use of  screen technology with our youngest children, but I can’t get behind this agenda. For a thoughtful exploration and discussion of the topic, you might want to look at this post at Childhood 101 , Why I don’t want to share my lap top (with my children.  Additionally, this post , entitled the Mind/Body Problem, written by Susan Lin, of  Commercial Free Childhood makes a compelling argument for why we should all be advocating for limits on screen time for young children. Susan’s post was written in response to NAEYC’s  (National Association For The Education of Young Children) proposed technology position statement, which is being updated this year, and is meant to guide early childhood educators in the use of technology in early childhood classrooms. Technology is here to stay. Computers are wonderful tools- for adults. Children can and will learn to use computers, just as they learn to drive cars, and they won’t be missing out on anything by waiting until they are developmentally ready. I don’t believe they are ready until they are well out of their toddler years. In my opinion, children younger than say, the age of eight, have more to lose by engaging with screens,  than they stand to gain. What are your thoughts?)

Your Baby Is Speaking To You

Newborn babies communicate with us from birth, in a language all their own. Their body posture, cries, subtle changes in expression, even the reflexes they are born with, speak volumes, but it can be a little bit hard to “understand” a baby’s way of “speaking” if you haven’t spent a lot of time hanging out with them. Well,  thanks to the new book  Your Baby Is Speaking To You,  a visual guide to the amazing behaviors of your newborn and growing baby, by Doctor Kevin Nugent, with photographs by Abelardo Morell, decoding your baby’s subtle cues just might be a little easier and less perplexing. As a professional “baby watcher” I was  captivated by this absolutely gorgeous photographic exploration of what a baby’s early postures and communications convey. This is a resource that I will be adding to my recommended books, and giving often as a gift to new and expectant parents. I highly recommend this book to  professionals working with newborns and their parents, as well.

Written in a clear, accessible, non-judgmental tone, each two page spread explores a different aspect of a baby’s “language” from sleeping to crying, to eating, to yawning, and more, by juxtaposing a photograph on one side of the page, with a brief explanation illuminating the meaning on the opposite page.From the Introduction:

“Whether it is an arching of the eyebrows or a furrowing of the brow, a splaying of the fingers or a tightening of the leg muscles, these signals are the “words” or “phrases” your baby uses to communicate, the phonemes of his first language, his first words. These behavioral signals are not random: they convey messages , provide information, and tell you what kind of caregiving your baby needs to grow and develop, what he likes or prefers, and what he does not like. Your Baby Is Speaking to You, will tell you how to watch for and interpret all these signals.”

Take a peek inside the book here, but be forewarned, if you’re noise sensitive, you might want to turn the volume off first. (When I showed this clip to a friend, he commented that the “awful sound” accompanying the video detracted from the overall beauty and message being conveyed.)

 

 

Update: This article, entitled “Know Your Baby”  appeared in The Irish Times on July 26, 2011. It  is a  fascinating exploration of Dr. Kevin Nugent’s work , and philosophy. Worth the read.

 

On The Way To Independence

Note: This post was originally published as a note on Regarding Baby’s Facebook page on Sunday, December 26, 2010.

Kathleen atamoment2think recently wrote a post entitled, “Another fun toddler stage: Up?! Up?!” that started me thinking about toddlers with all of their conflicting wants, needs, and emotions. It can be  both wonderful and hard to live with, love,  and  nurture a toddler. Kathleen’s post reminded  of a song- one that I call the “We” song. The lyrics are simple. The words,  “Me, Me, Me, You, You, You, We, We, We, Yes, Yes, Yes, No, No, No, Maybe, Maybe, Maybe,” alternate throughout, and the song ends “I love you.”

reach out

This song seems like a good reminder that in any relationship, there are always two people, two points of view,  and sometimes, conflicting wants and needs. Ideally, in the adult/child dyad, adults are always seeking to understand and validate a child’s feelings , without sacrificing their own needs to the point of feeling resentful, angry, or just too depleted to give anymore. It’s about finding that sweet, peaceful place where we can rest together comfortably and safely – momentarily anyway.

Toddlers often have big emotions, and sometimes, big wants and  needs. They aren’t yet ready or able to take the point of view or empathize with others, at least not often or consistently! Some days, loving them can be exhausting. Being a good parent or teacher does not mean giving in to a toddler’s every demand. In fact, it can be more loving (and necessary) to say “No” at times, even if that means a crying child in the short term.

Crying Angie

What I hope to help parents (and others) understand is that we offer children a gift when are honest, and clear with them about our limitations and boundaries within the context of the trusting relationship we have with them. Magda Gerber said, “In the beginning, we co-operate more with the the baby. Slowly, and over time, we ask for more co-operation and understanding from them.”

I think raising  babies to become loving, co-operative, thoughtful, giving, children and adults who are able to articulate their needs and wants clearly, while also understanding that there are two in a relationship, begins with me, you, yes, no, and sometimes-maybe.  That and  trying to keep a good sense of humor through all of the ups and downs on the way to “We.”  What do you think?