Category: Toddlers

Toddler Bites

Heather writes: My son is 15 months old and a biter. He has been biting me especially, but pretty much anyone or anything in his path for at least six months now. I have tried EVERYTHING. Like you, I am also in the Early Education field and have worked with kids and families for about ten years. I have worked with extremely challenging behaviors before and feel pretty qualified to handle most anything, but for some reason when it comes to my son and his biting I just can not find a resolution. Do you have any advice? Unfortunately, as the biting continues my response is becoming less and less ideal and I hate for this to be a defining moment of how I parent and how my son learns. I appreciate any advice and encouragement you can provide!

Apple Eater

Hi Heather,

I know it may sound odd, but in this case, it may actually help you to try to step back a little, and to look at your son’s behavior through your “professional eyes”, instead of through your “Mom eyes”!

Many toddlers will bite at one time or another, but supporting a toddler who is biting on a regular basis can be a real challenge, and it can be especially hard to remain calm when the biting is directed at you, and/or it’s your own child who is doing the biting. It’s common for parents to feel they are doing something wrong, and/or that their child’s behavior reflects badly on them, especially since biting is a behavior that often arouses strong negative feelings (and sometimes even fear) in adults.

I want to encourage you to begin by taking a step back and re-framing your description of the problem. This may seem like a small thing, but it’s important to separate your child’s behavior from the whole of who your child is. As soon as we describe a child using a label, “He’s a biter,” ” She’s shy,”  “He’s a bully,”  “She’s a clown,” it can become difficult to see anything else about the child, and to separate the behavior you don’t like from the child that you love. So- your son is not “a biter”  but a young toddler who bites, and your goal is to help him learn alternative ways to communicate. This is a much more neutral and powerful place to begin when trying to cope with a challenging behavior. “Biters” are often thought of as being  “bad children,” “out of control,” “bullies,”  or “antisocial”. Nothing could be further from the truth. A young toddler who is biting as a way of communicating needs support to understand and learn to communicate feelings in ways that don’t hurt others.

Let’s start by looking at the reasons toddlers might bite. Very often, biting occurs as a natural extension of a child’s learning and exploration. Young children explore  their world using all of their senses, and will often mouth or bite toys as part of their play. In the course of exploring, they may experiment with mouthing or biting people as well as objects, because they are curious, or maybe they are teething. When they bite, they may find it feels good! and/or they may receive very strong reactions from those around them, which may make it more tempting for them to try the behavior again. In group situations, children sometimes copy each other’s behavior. Other children bite when they feel crowded, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, over-excited, or out of control.

It’s common for pre-verbal toddlers to express themselves using actions as opposed to words- think of a toddler who takes a toy from another’s hand, or one who drops her food on the floor to indicate she’s done eating, or one who  brings a blanket to a friend who is sad. Toddlers feel and understand so much, and have so much they want to express, and their ways of expressing themselves are often direct and action oriented.

Young children are in the very beginning stages of developing impulse control, social graces, and empathy, and are just learning to express desires, frustration, and pain through using words instead of through crying or taking action. Your son may know it hurts when someone bites him, but he can’t yet easily take the perspective of another, and he may not yet understand that it hurts you when he chomps on your arm. He will gain the ability to take another’s perspective through repeated experience, and with support and modeling from patient, loving adults.

Whatever the reason for the biting, you want to make it clear that biting another person is not a choice or an option. Although the curiosity or feelings that lead to the biting are acceptable, biting is not an acceptable way to express feelings.

1) The best way to stop biting is to prevent it from occurring, if at all possible. Be prepared. Observe closely, learn to anticipate the bite, and try to stop it before it happens. Block the bite if at all possible, by placing an arm between two children or an object (like a pillow) between your body and your child’s while saying, “I won’t let you bite.”

2) If a bite occurs: Calmly, but consistently and firmly, set limits. It can be tough to stay calm, especially if you are the one being bitten, because biting hurts, but it is so important, because big reactions are interesting to young children and if your son  is getting a strong reaction from you (or anyone else), this may inadvertently encourage the biting behavior. Your son may be getting the message that biting is a way to make things happen. Regain your composure as quickly as possible, and say, “I don’t want you to bite. Biting hurts.” If the biting occurs when you are holding your child, you might put him down, or move him away from you saying, “I am going to move you away from me because you’re biting.” And then gently, and kindly, but firmly, move him away from you. If another child has been bitten, stay calm and offer comfort to the child who has been bitten, but avoid making too big of a deal of the incident, so it doesn’t become too interesting to either child. You might say, “X bit you and you are crying. Does it hurt? Let’s go wash your arm with some cool water to make it feel better.”

3) Offer an acceptable alternative to biting. It helps to have a teether or two handy to offer to a child who is biting.”If you need to bite, bite this.” (Some children benefit from wearing their own teething necklace or bracelet. Look here and here for products I’ve used and  recommend.)

When biting behavior becomes a habit, or is persistent and chronic, it can be helpful  to ask yourself, 1) “What need is being met for my child through this behavior?” and 2)”How can I help my child to get this need met in a way that doesn’t hurt others?”

It’s important to look closely at your home environment and your child’s daily schedule for clues to determine when biting is most likely to occur. Sometimes, a pattern can be discovered. Try to take note of what happens BEFORE the bite, so you can be prepared to intervene as calmly and casually as possible. Often, this means staying close and “shadowing” your child, especially in situations where you know biting is likely to occur.

Your child may be feeling out of control, or testing boundaries if biting has become habitual. Many young toddlers resort to biting when they are over stimulated, so try to be mindful of, and reduce environmental stress and sensory overload as much as possible. If you can discover the underlying triggers, and you consistently respond by calmly setting a limit and offering an alternative, your toddler will eventually learn to express himself without feeling the need to bite.

All young toddlers benefit from predictable daily routines, and it helps to be mindful of tiredness, hunger or low blood sugar, and over-stimulation. Some children benefit from a much reduced noise and activity level, and much more active play outdoors. Consider reducing or eliminating all screen time if you currently allow it. If bites tend to occur more in group situations, it may be helpful or necessary to take a break from group activities for a time, if at all possible. If your child attends childcare, it is important to confer with his caregivers to make sure everyone is responding consistently and in the same calm way when biting occurs. It can be helpful to talk openly with adult family members and friends (not in front of your son) about what is going on and how you are handling it, especially if you are engaging in social situations with them and their children.

Sometimes it helps to assign one adult to be a “buddy” or shadow a child in group situations. Having a trusted adult nearby to provide narration of events can be comforting and soothing to a toddler who feels overwhelmed with sensory input, or crowded by others. Get into the habit of naming emotions for your child (his, yours, and other people’s) and when he has the need to bite, give him healthy, safe alternatives. Encourage your son to bite on something safe, punch pillows, take a deep breath, stamp his feet, or yell “Stop” to get feelings of frustration or anger out. Time spent in nature often has a very soothing effect as do activities like water play, shaving cream art, and play dough.

Most of all, I want to encourage you to hang in there with your son, and have faith that he will move through this challenging phase with your guidance and support- because he will- and you have what it takes to help him! Notice and celebrate each and every time he shows self restraint, and doesn’t bite. If you consistently respond to your son’s biting behavior in the way I’ve outlined, you will see positive improvement in time (usually about four weeks). If you feel you’re already doing all you can do, or you are at your wits end, and nothing seems to be helping, then it might be worthwhile to consider a personal in-home consultation with a professional. Sometimes, it can be enourmously helpful to hear the viewpoint and perspective of an experienced person who is looking at your situation with unbiased eyes, and can offer insight and support as you make your way through a difficult patch.

I hope others who have been where you are might also offer their thoughts and support in the comments. Please let me know how things are going… I’ll be thinking of you!

 

 

 

Ingenuity

“Every baby moves with more ease and efficiency if allowed to do it at his own time and in his own way, without our trying to teach him. A child who has always been allowed to move freely develops not only an agile body but also good judgment about what he can and cannot do.” – Magda Gerber

 

Pure Genius

 

I’m not sure this is exactly what Magda Gerber had in mind, but I sure do admire this toddler’s ingenuity, creativity, problem solving skills, and judgment. What do you think?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Understanding Your Toddler- Why She Does the Things She Does

 

Alice Callahan, of Science of Mom, shared my post What To Say Instead Of No, on her facebook page last week, which led her to observe she often says “no” to her daughter, not in an angry way, but in a sad way. This led to a conversation that gave us a fascinating peek into BabyC’s mind and learning process as she struggles with self mastery. Alice also gained insights into how she might best support BabyC in attaining self discipline and co-operation.

Alice: I was watching my use of “no” yesterday and realized that I use it often in a sad way, not an angry way. I use a genuinely gentle but sad tone of voice when BabyC (16 months old), throws her food on the floor: “Oh, no, BabyC, now there is a mess on the floor. You can tell me “all done” when you feel done with lunch.” Lisa, do you think that is any different? I feel like it is useful for me to use “no” as a simple word that instantly conveys that her behavior is inappropriate, followed by the WHY and the alternative.

 

Dinner Uncertainty

 

  First: Define And Clarify Your Goals.

Lisa: Alice, I love how thoughtful you are about your parenting! I want to reassure you that it’s not the end of the world if you sometimes use the word “no” when talking with BabyC, but I’d encourage you to try to maintain a neutral tone, as opposed to using a sad tone, because you want to avoid pleading with her to co-operate. You also want to avoid shaming BabyC, making her feel guilty, or acting solely to please you. If you think about discipline as a process of teaching or guiding, and BabyC learning, to make good choices for herself (not dependent on a reward, or pleasing you, or an adult being present to direct her), and you think of your overall goals, it will help you to stay calm and more emotionally neutral.

In the short term, you want BabyC to refrain from throwing her food on the floor, and to learn to tell you when she’s all done so you can simply remove the food instead of having to clean up a big mess. Bigger picture: You want BabyC to learn proper table etiquette, self control, and good communication skills!

 Second: Try To Understand Your Child’s Point of View. Ask: Is this behavior developmentally appropriate? What need is my child trying to meet or what is she trying to communicate? What information does my child need in order to better co-operate? What support does she need?

But here’s the thing: BabyC doesn’t yet know or understand that she can/should tell you she’s all done, so she indicates it by throwing her food. Or maybe she understands she can/should tell you she’s done, but for some reason she still throws her food. Maybe she’s doing physics experiments, or it’s just fun, or your reaction is interesting to her, or maybe she just wants to see if your response will always be the same.

It often takes many repetitions for babies and young toddlers to understand what we’re asking of them, and then it takes them time to gain the self control and desire necessary to internalize the requested/accepted behavior, and act on it without being reminded or supported.

 Third: Remain Calm. Communicate Directly and Clearly.

By staying calm and emotionally neutral, and simply stating, “Oh, you’re throwing your food, that tells me you’re done, so I’m going to put it away now,” you aren’t giving any emotional charge to the issue. You’re giving BabyC information about how her actions impact you, about the expectations you have, and about what she can do instead of throwing her food.

“BabyC, are you all done? When you throw your food, I think it means you are done. If you throw more peas, I’ll put the food away and lunch will be over. If you still want to eat, please keep the food on the table. If you’re all done, you can hand me your bowl and I’ll help you wash your hands.”

Fourth: Use the Environment to Support Learning and to Minimize Frustration (for Both of you!).  Include Your Child in the Process.

BabyC might need to test to see if you mean what you say. I usually give one chance, and then follow through with what I said I’d do. You can make this whole process easier on yourself by using your environment to help encourage the behavior you want to see, and in this way further involve BabyC in her own learning.

By this I mean give BabyC only little bits of food at a time, and before serving more, ask her if she’d like more. Therefore, she has less food to throw and there is less for you to clean up, but even more importantly, you are modeling the behavior and communication you want her to learn, and including her in the process of her own learning.

  Fifth: Always Assume the Best. Trust Your Child is Doing Her  Best and Will “Get It” in Time.

Trust that BabyC will “get it,” in time. Trust that she is doing the best she can, and she is learning every minute. This is what works so well in the parenting classes I teach, and in group childcare settings. (Did you see Janet Lansbury’s video, Baby Table Manners?) Parents are often amazed at how well their children”behave” and cooperate in these settings. I think it’s because the environment is set up to support children, but also because the communication is so clear and respectful.

It works for parents at home too, but sometimes not quite as smoothly- but this is to be expected, because your baby (ideally) has the closest relationship with you, and so will save her “worst” behavior for you too! It’s an expression of her great trust in you, so it’s a good thing! I used your example of throwing food to describe a process that can be applied to any behavior to help guide a toddler to develop internal control and discipline. (The 7 guidelines are listed throughout this post.) What do you think?

 Sixth: Observe. Look For Clues to Determine if You’re on The Right Track.

Alice: Thank you so much for your thoughts on this! The food-dropping thing has been a chronic struggle in our house for several months. It isn’t a huge deal, because I basically do what you suggest: give one warning, and then take the food away if she does it again (as she almost always does). What worries me is that probably 2 out of 3 meals end this way, so I know it is one way that BabyC communicates that she is done with her meal. The other 1/3 of the time, BabyC signs or says “all done” (or both) or hands me her bowl and utensil to indicate that she’s done.

Right before she drops food on the floor, she will often pause and look at me and then shake her head – the same reaction that I give her when she actually drops it. All of this tells me that she knows other ways to communicate that she is done (and I always thank her for telling me in the appropriate ways), but she seems to still be testing my reaction to food dropping. I’m sure it IS interesting to her! But your point about removing the emotion from my response is a great one. That might just make my response less interesting to test. The other thing I know I can do is be more present with her during mealtime. I often finish eating before she does, and I usually pull her high chair around by the sink while I do the dishes. Although I try to stay attentive to her, I’m sure I’m a bit distracted, and I might be missing some of her early signals to me that she’s done eating, so she resorts to food-dropping, which always gets my attention. I’m going to work on this – I’ll let you know how it goes! Thanks again for your insights, Lisa. Your writing and the RIE approach have been so helpful to me.

Seventh: Celebrate Understanding and Signs of Growth!

Me: Oh Alice, This is wonderful insight! You just gave me a missing clue and answered your own question! Your focused attention makes ALL the difference, AND, it is clear BabyC is understanding and working on self control! The pause and head shake tells us this! She understands what the expectation is, she’s thinking about it, and shaking her head is what I call “self talk”. “I’m done and I want to throw my food, but I know this isn’t the best way to tell Mama.” She’s beginning to internalize the expectation, but doesn’t always have the ability (self control) to stop herself (YET).

Remember: Developing Inner Discipline and the Ability to Cooperate and Make Good Choices Takes Time and Lots of Practice.

When I taught RIE Parent/Infant Guidance classes in Silver Lake, there was a barrier of low wooden blocks separating the play area from the entrance area (which was not childproofed). As children became mobile young toddlers, many of them would challenge this boundary by trying to climb over the blocks into the living room. Sometimes, they’d be shaking their heads, or even be saying, “Not go there.” They were struggling to internalize the limit. I’d stay close, and let them push the limit to the very edge. Sometimes, just my quiet presence and focused attention was all the support they needed to refrain from venturing over the edge.

Could they climb up and sit on the blocks? Sure. Fine with me. But as soon as they started to cross to the other side into the entrance area, I’d say, “I don’t want you to climb over the blocks to the other side. If you want to go over there, Mama has to be with you.”

Some children needed to spend an entire class doing this again and again, and some needed to repeat this over many weeks before being able to internalize the boundary- but they all got it.We used the blocks to demonstrate the process of setting boundaries with young toddlers. It was (and still is) my favorite part of working with young toddlers. I love to see how they are actually working on internalizing the concepts. It’s amazing to see how they are all able to accept the boundary too, without having to be reminded again and again, once they go through this process.

It just takes the time it takes, and to us as adults, it can seem to take a very long time! I also understand that it’s harder at home, because I take care of children for eight to ten hours every day, and I go home exhausted some days! In fact, after an hour of teaching a parenting class I can be exhausted, if I’m focusing very intently and working with children around boundaries or conflict!

Alice: Lisa, this is fascinating. Thinking about our food dropping issue this way just makes me appreciate BabyC’s efforts and learning process and helps me to have patience with her.

Has this exchange been helpful to you in thinking about how to understand and work through a discipline dilemma with your own toddler?

 

 

Growing, Changing, and Loss

I’ve been contemplating these words from Janet Lansbury for days now, as J., who will turn three years old in less than two weeks, has been growing in leaps and bounds right before our very eyes:

In regard to babies and loss…. Even if we never, ever leave our baby’s side, s/he will experience loss. Leaving the womb is “loss”. Anytime the child grows, accomplishes, becomes a little more independent, there is loss involved. Weaning and toilet learning are losses, even if the child leads the way. When the baby wants mommy and only daddy is available to her, that is loss. Loss is a natural, unavoidable part of life, even for babies. But babies aren’t “afraid” of it the way we might be… However, we can teach them to be. Crying is healing when it is supported by loving parents and caregivers. Babies learn something very empowering…”I’m okay”, or “Mommy comes back”.

I am always conscious of the fact that if I am doing my job as an infant/toddler caregiver well, it means that I am providing the baby with both the support and the freedom s/he needs to become ever more independent, but without pushing before the child is ready. Babies and toddlers grow and change so quickly, and even as adults (sometimes anxiously) look forward to “first times”, cheer new accomplishments, and celebrate developmental milestones and birthdays, both babies and adults sometimes struggle with the feelings of loss that inevitably accompany growth, change, and new achievements. While there can’t be growth without loss, I can’t help but feel that in order to truly embrace the “new” and the “now”, we need to acknowledge (not get stuck in, but just take a moment to contemplate and honor) what once was, what we are letting go of the baby that once was, the relationship that once was- and is now changing. If we can accept all of the sometimes conflicting emotions that come up (for both children and grown-ups) as we and they move through stages and ages, maybe we can move through them with a little more ease.

 

                                          If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies. ~Author Unknown

Monarch Butterfly female

At the end of last week, J. began attending a play based preschool program for three hours each morning (the same one his sister attended starting when she was 40 months old, and J. was just a newborn baby). He is so excited, proud, and happy to be going to what he calls “my school” (just  like his big sister). So far, his adjustment has been going smoothly. There have been a few tears in the morning when his Mom and Dad drop him off, but he quickly calms down and enthusiastically joins in the play. “I cried, because I didn’t want Mommy and Daddy to go. But only a little bit.”

When I arrive to pick J. up, I usually find him hanging from the monkey bars, and he’s eager to show me the new tricks he’s been practicing after he leaps into my arms for a hug. On our drive home, he is full of stories about what he did that day, and the fun he had with his “new best friend” C. It’s clear he’s so ready for this experience. His teachers have remarked on his “delightful sense of humor,” and his “impressive ability to communicate and express his wants, needs, and emotions clearly,”  both to them and his peers.

Yet, the very first day, although he played happily all morning, J. was a bit reluctant to allow the teachers to help him when it came time to change his diaper. He told them, “No fank (thank) you. I’m just going to wait for Lisa. She’ll come and take care of me, and change my diaper.” My eyes welled up with tears when I heard this story. Magda Gerber taught that caregiving times (diapering, feeding, bathing) are relationship building times. She urged adults to slow down and bring full focus and attention to the child during these times, and to include the baby fully in the process. When done Magda’s way, diaper changes are intimate, connected, “together”, enjoyable times between caregiver and baby.

As Janet Lansbury says in How to Love A Diaper Change, “Diapering is not just about getting a job done, or having a clean baby. Our hands are a baby’s introduction to the world. If they touch slowly, gently, and “ask” a child for cooperation rather than demand it, we are rewarded with a relationship bound in trust, respect and the inexorable knowledge of our importance to each other.” To me, J.’s response to his teacher spoke to the close, trusting relationship we had forged over three years of daily diaper changes.

Yesterday afternoon, J. accomplished another big milestone. While I was in the kitchen putting away the dishes, and his sister was in the living room reading a book, J. took it upon himself to use the small potty that’s been sitting in the bathroom since he’s been about two years old. He called to me to help him put his diaper back on after he’d finished pooping. Today, his Mom told me that he called to her at about five this morning, telling her he had to use the potty (despite the fact that he had already wet through his diaper in his sleep). He remained dry during his two hour nap time today though, and used the potty without any prompting from me when I helped undress him for his bath after we picked his sister up from school. It seems he is on his way to mastering toilet learning on his own terms.

Yet, last weekend, as his parents cleaned out the garage to prepare for a yard sale, J. enjoyed revisiting and playing with some of the baby toys he had long outgrown. I sat to watch him play for a bit, when suddenly he lifted his arms and asked me to pick him up. When I did, he said, “Lisa, I want to be a baby and a big boy too.” I nuzzled him and told him I understood.

I do understand, because even as I experience a feeling of joy as I watch J. confidently move into the wider world outside of the close circle of his family, while nonchalantly tackling the task of potty learning, I’ve found myself  feeling a little at loose ends this week. There is a slight sadness and sense of  nostalgia  for the baby boy and young toddler that I have spent the last three years helping to nurture to this place of confidence and independence. We still have a close bond and we share our afternoons together, but he needs me in a different way than he used to. I am missing J.’s company and our mornings together, with all the easy, intimate rhythms and routines we shared, even as I delight in watching him grow and spread his wings to become exactly who he is today, and I revel in the fact that I  have gained  fifteen free hours every week to devote to walking and yoga, writing, volunteering, wedding planning, and (finally!) staring a parent/infant class.

It can be bittersweet, this letting go and saying goodbye to what was, even as we make way for what’s becoming, can’t it?

 

 

 

A Moment In Time

 

Endless lists of things to do, an avalanche of unanswered e-mail and phone calls, piles of dirty laundry, and a sink full of dirty dishes, not to mention dust bunnies so big I wouldn’t be able to distinguish them from the cat if she wasn’t so loud and insistent on receiving her fair share of attention. (At least the dust bunnies are quiet.) Long days with children and lots of late nights trying to do everything else I want to and need to. And please don’t even mention the shopping, and the decorating, and the baking, and the card writing that I haven’t started to do, with the holidays being – yikes– less than two weeks away. There’s no “me” time in there anywhere. In fact, it doesn’t feel like there is time to take a breath most days. I’ve been feeling tired, irritable, and overwhelmed.(Does this sound familiar to anyone? ) And yet….

 

He leads. I follow.

 

Today there was this: The sun was shining, and the air was crisp. He was on his trike, riding ahead of me. I followed behind on foot, my mind a million miles away. We were on our way to pick his sister up from school. As he pedaled, he exclaimed over the Christmas bulbs some of the neighbors had hung on the  branches of their bushes. He stopped, and pointed to to a large maple tree in a yard across the street, and asked, “Lisa, why doesn’t that tree have any leaves on it anymore?” “Because the leaves fall from the tree in the winter, and grow back again in the spring,” I answered. “Oh! That’s why!” And he was off again. Suddenly he burst into song at the top of his lungs. “It’s A Small World After All.”  Completely immersed in song, in the moment, unaware that his energy, his song, his pure joy in being, had pulled me into the moment with him. I found myself grinning, and I wasn’t the only one.

A Mom who was getting out of her car stopped for a moment, and watched him, and when she caught my eye, I saw she was grinning too. And then a Dad. And another Mom, and a Grandma. We all slowed down, following him like he was the pied piper, sharing smiles with each other, until we got to the “big” crosswalk that leads across the street to the school. The one manned by the kind, but gruff  school crossing guard. We all stopped to wait for the light to turn, while J. continued his song. I saw the guard’s  face soften and I do believe his eyes twinkled. As we crossed the street, someone said “I feel like I’m in a parade,” and when we got to the other side, someone else thanked J. for “singing” us across. It was truly a magical moment in an ordinary day, and I found myself feeling refreshed and renewed.

Once again, it was a small child who reminded me that slowing down, observing, and being present in the moment is not just a gift we can give to the little people in our lives, but one we can give to ourselves too, by following their lead.

“Slow down and enjoy life. It’s not only the scenery you miss by going too fast – you also miss the sense of where you are going and why.” Eddie Cantor

What moments have you enjoyed with your children today?

Toilet Learning Made Easy

 

“Learning to use the toilet is a process that takes time. Rather than push or manipulate your child by giving him treats such as candy or a special reward for something that he will learn to do on his own, trust that he will learn when he is ready. Respect is based on trust.” – Magda Gerber

potty training?
“Potty training? He is more fond of wearing the potty seat than sitting on it.”

Maybe you’ve heard the old adage,”You can lead a toddler to the potty but you can’t make him use it (until he’s ready).” During workshops for parents and toddler teachers I love to read the story,  The Princess and the Potty by Wendy Cheyette Lewison, about a little princess who won’t use her potty,”because it doesn’t please her.” The king and queen are not happy with this and are a bit beside themselves as they worry about what their neighbors in the kingdom next door will say. They go out of their way to find a potty that will please the princess, to no avail. The princess simply has better things to do. So the king and queen try other tactics like reading to the princess, sending her teddy bear to keep her company, in fact, sending the whole court to keep her company, and even sitting on the potties themselves to show the princess what fun it is. Finally, not knowing what else to do, the king and queen send for the royal wise man to get his advice.

“If you ask me,” said the royal wise man, “the princess will use the potty when it pleases her to use the potty.”

But alas and alack, not even the royal wise man can predict when that time might come. So the king and queen wait and wait, until finally, one day the queen is dressing for a royal ball, and her daughter notices the beautiful pantalettes her mother is wearing and she decides the pantalettes please her. Of course,  the queen, being the good Mom that she is, takes her little girl shopping the very next day to allow her to choose her own pantalettes, and the princess is so pleased, she wears the new panties home, and all through playtime, and snack time- when suddenly– the princess can’t sit still. The king and queen yell to the royal chambermaid that the princess needs her royal diaper, except the princess doesn’t want her royal diaper because that means she will have to take off her pretty new pantalettes, and this she doesn’t want to do, so she calls for her potty. While the royal servants run to get every potty in the castle, the princess takes matters into her own hands and runs to the plain potty, because it is the nearest, and that, in the end, is the potty that pleases the princess.

Like with sitting, standing, walking, and other accomplishments that involve a baby’s mastery over his  body movements, when it comes to learning to use the toilet, the way loving adults can be most helpful is to provide an optimal environment, and then wait patiently for baby to be ready, and indicate her desire and willingness to participate in the process. The toilet learning process can sometimes cause parents needless worry and anxiety, and can feel endless to parents who are tired of changing diapers, or who are worried their child won’t be accepted at preschool unless she is toilet trained. (A good childcare center or preschool won’t require a child under the age of four to be potty trained, and I always advise parents to seek alternate care arrangements, if at all possible, should they encounter a program that requires potty mastery by the age of three.)

So what can you expect?

There is a wide range of  normal, and while some toddlers may learn a bit earlier or later, the average child will reliably use the potty during the day somewhere between the ages of two and three years old, and will consistently stay dry at night somewhere between two and a half to five years old. Some children may happily and willingly use the toilet for a period of time, then decide they aren’t interested for awhile. This is perfectly acceptable, and it’s best if you can meet your child’s disinterest with a calm, matter of fact, “If you don’t want to/aren’t ready to use the potty, you may use a diaper.When you’re ready to try the potty again, let me know.” Learning to use the toilet is a complex process which requires a child to listen to his body signals, control his body, and understand the process, and what is expected and accepted. It involves physical readiness, or the ability to control the muscles that hold in bladder and bowel movements, cognitive readiness, or the ability to understand what is expected of him, and emotional readiness- this is all about holding on, letting go, and conforming to grown- up standards. It’s about who is in control, and in this case, it’s your child!

“Parents lay the groundwork for the child’s readiness when, beginning at birth, we make diaper changes an enjoyable, cooperative time together, and respect the baby by slowing down and talking him through each part of the process.” Janet Lansbury 

If you expect and accept that it will take time for your child to master this new skill, it can go a long way towards helping your child to “go with the flow,” so to speak. Stock up on training pants, be prepared for extra laundry, know where all the public rest rooms in town are, (because children can’t wait long when they are just learning, and inevitably, they will have to use the toilet fifteen minutes after you’ve left the house). Carry extra underwear, wipes, and a change of clothes with you at all times. Some parents even choose to carry a portable potty chair with them on long trips. If an accident happens, try to remain calm, matter of fact, and supportive. “Your pants are wet. Can I help you get cleaned up and into dry clothes?” “Accidents happen sometimes when you’re just learning to use the potty.You tried really hard to get to the potty on time. Next time, you’ll  be able to do it.”

How do you know if it might be the right time to start the process with your child?

First, there should be no other big changes happening at home. It’s usually best not to start the process if a new baby has just arrived, you are moving in two weeks, or your child has just started  childcare. Changes in the family, or stress can make the process more difficult and prolonged than it has to be. Summer time can be a great time to start, because family schedules are often more relaxed, and children can be allowed to run around naked or just in underwear at home, which helps them become very aware of what’s happening with their bodies (in a way they don’t when they are wearing super absorbent diapers or pull ups). If your child is in childcare or you have a caregiver at home, it’s a good idea for you all to have a discussion and maintain clear communication, to make sure you’re all on the same page and using a consistent approach and language when it comes to to toilet learning. (I’ll never forget the time when I was  a new teacher’s aide, and one little girl, who was very soft spoken, and about five years old, tried urgently to communicate she had to use the bathroom, by whispering to me she had to “make.” I had never heard the expression before, and while I was trying to figure out what she was saying, she had an accident. She was mortified, and I felt so bad for not being able to understand and help her when she needed me to.)

Your child may indicate readiness to start potty learning when s/he: 

1) Stays dry for 2-3 hours at a time or wakes up from a nap with a dry diaper.

2) Shows increased awareness of bodily functions- she may move to a quiet or private spot to have a bowel movement, for instance.

3) Tells you she has peed or pooped in her diaper.

4) Dislikes staying in wet or soiled diapers.

5) Shows interest in wanting to sit on a toilet or potty chair or expresses a desire to wear underwear.

6)  Is able to follow two step instructions.

7)  Is able to pull pants up and down easily.

Besides being prepared by knowing what to expect, watching for signs of readiness, and relaxing and trusting that your child won’t go to kindergarten in diapers, you can encourage your toddler’s interest and support her learning by:

1) Bringing your child’s awareness to what’s happening with his body and how he might know he may need to stop playing and go to the toilet. Use correct terms for body parts and body functions, and maintain a neutral tone. If your child is showing readiness, and you notice him pressing his legs together or dancing about, you can say, “It looks like you might have to go to the bathroom. Do you want to use your potty chair?”

2) Being a good model. Show your toddler how you use the toilet. Most toddlers become fascinated with the toilet and what happens there, long before they’re ready to use it themselves.

3) If your child is expressing that they don’t like to have their diapers changed, or they don’t like to sit in a wet diaper, you can offer, as I have been with 34 month old J. as of late, “You don’t like feeling wet and cold. You don’t like to get your diaper changed. If you wanted to, you could put your pee in the potty, and then you wouldn’t have to have your diaper changed.” So far, he says “Not yet, Lisa. Maybe later,” which I completely accept. But in the past three weeks he has started to ask to sit on his potty when his six year old sister goes to the bathroom. He’s had several successes, and he’s just so proud. Last week he came running to show me he “peed in the potty just like the boy in the book!” Beware insisting upon or cajoling your child to sit on the potty if it’s not her idea. You may offer at natural times, for instance, when your child is preparing for a bath, but if she says “No,” let it be “No.” Let him “practice” in his own way. Some children like to sit on the potty fully clothed for many months before ever taking off their diapers.

4) Dress for success. Pants with elastic waists are best for both girls and boys- easy for them to pull up and down by themselves. No dresses to get in the way, no buttons, snaps, belts, overalls, etc.

4) Read a book with your child about using the toilet. Two of my favorites: Once Upon A Potty by Alona Frankel, and Going To The Potty (First Experiences), by Fred Rogers.

5) Let him choose his very own potty chair. Potty chairs are great, because they let your child sit with his feet firmly planted on the floor, which assists in  bowel movements. They also allow your child to be in charge of their process- I’ve never known a child who didn’t love to participate in pouring the contents of their potty into the  toilet, then wave goodbye and flush it away. (Remember, young children are sometimes very attached to their bodily fluids. Children are not born with any negative associations when it comes to bodily functions, they are  taught to think that urine and feces are “yukky” or “stinky” or “disgusting” or somehow shameful.) Some children are afraid of sitting on the toilet with it’s big gaping hole, even if a child size seat is installed. If you are going to use one of the seats that sits on the top of the regular toilet, make sure you place a step stool beneath your child’s feet so she can climb up by herself and her legs aren’t dangling when she sits.

6) Let him choose training or underpants. My feeling is that pull ups give a mixed message, and don’t help a child learn, because they are too much like a diaper, yet, some parents feel they can’t do without them- they like that their child can pull them up and down like underwear, and it saves on wet clothes, and laundry. I’d prefer a child wear training pants or a diaper, if at all possible.

7) Remember, this process is your child’s. You can’t do it for her. You can’t hurry her along. Time and maturation can make the process a painless one (for both of you) if you allow it to be so. The natural reward for your child is the mastery she feels at accomplishing a new skill and body control.

For those of you who have asked me for information and my opinion about elimination communication, I will refer you to an excellent discussion at Janet Lansbury’s community forum, where I, and others weigh in with our ideas and experiences on the topic.

There you go, my best advice when it comes to potty learning. Have I missed anything?

 

 

What To Say Instead Of “NO!” – Six Ways To Gain Your Child’s Co-operation

Did you know? The average one year old hears the word “no” an unbelievable 400 times a day!

The problem with the word “No” is this: when it’s used too often, toddlers tend to tune it out after awhile.”No” alone doesn’t help your toddler learn what to do instead. Also, saying “No!” in a louder and louder voice (as you may be tempted to do when your toddler all but ignores you the first five times you say it), is not going to help him hear and heed your message any better. It may just lead to frustration for both of you. I advise saving “No” for emergencies, like when your child is in immediate danger. You can be sure your child will stop and notice when you use the word only in rare instances.

In “We Don’t Want To Spank,” Janet Lansbury emphasizes the importance of creating a safe play area within your home – a place just for your child, that has few restrictions, and is all about YES! The fact remains, when you are parenting a toddler, there are times when you will have to say “No.” So, what can you say instead, to get your point across and make it possible for your toddler to co-operate more readily with you?

Here are six ideas:

1) Rephrase your request in a positive way: Instead of  saying, “No, don’t run,”  try, “Please walk inside.”  Instead of  “No, don’t touch!” try, “You want to touch the lamp, but it might fall and break. Please just look with your eyes.” Instead of, “No, don’t touch the cat,” try, “Please remember to touch the cat gently.” (You may have to stay close to demonstrate gentle touches.)

2) Let your child know what he may do instead of  telling him what he can’t do: Instead of,  “No, you can’t have a cookie now,”  try saying, “You may have a cookie after dinner. If you are hungry now, you may have fruit or a piece of cheese.”  Instead of,  “No climbing on the furniture,” try, “The chair is for sitting in. If you’d like to climb, you may climb here (showing him). “Instead of , “No, we can’t go to the playground because it’s raining,” try saying, ” I know how much you love to play outside. We can go out as soon as the rain stops. Would you  like to read a story or build with your blocks while we wait for the rain to stop?” Instead of , “No! No throwing balls indoors,” try saying, “You can roll the ball indoors or take it outside and throw it. What’s your choice?”

3) Ask for your child’s help and thank him when he gets it right: Instead of, “No! I told you not to take your shoes off because we’re getting ready to go,”  try saying, “You need your shoes on to go outside. Please help me find them so we can get ready to go.” Instead of,  “No more playing for you. I’m not going to ask you to pick up your toys again,” try, “Thank you for helping me to clean up all the toys!”  Instead of,  “I said no yelling!” try lowering your own voice and saying, “Thank you for remembering to speak softly while your baby sister is sleeping.”

4) Explain the reason for your request, and  state what behavior you want to see instead: Instead of  saying, “No, don’t________ ,” try stating,  “I want you to_____________ because__________.“ “No, don’t throw the sand,” becomes, “I want you to keep the sand low in the sandbox, so it doesn’t get in anyone’s eyes, because that might hurt.” “No, don’t bang on the table,” becomes, “I want you to stop banging on the table because the sound it makes is loud, and it’s hurting my ears.”

5) Use “sportscasting”  to say what you see: Instead of saying, “No throwing food!” try saying, “You’re throwing your food. That tells me you’re done eating, so I am going to put the food away now.” Instead of “No splashing in the cat’s water bowl,” try saying, “You are playing in the cat’s water bowl, and splashing water all over the floor. That water is for the cat to drink. If you want to play in water, let’s fill the tub with water.”

6) If your child is hitting, kicking, or biting: Instead of saying, “No hitting/kicking/biting!” try saying, “Hitting/kicking/biting hurts! I won’t let you hit/kick/bite me. If you want to hit/kick/bite, you may hit the floor (or these pillows)/kick this ball/bite this teething ring.”

When you take the time to talk with your child in the respectful, positive ways above, explaining the reasons for your requests, offering choices, modeling the behavior that you want to teach, and bringing your child’s awareness to the impact his actions have on other people, you are including him in the learning process, and  guiding him to become self aware and self regulating in his behavior. This is the true goal of discipline; to help your child to become disciplined from within and learn to make good choices, instead of dependent on someone else to tell him what is right or wrong.

Tell me, have you found other ways to gain your toddler’s co-operation without resorting to saying no over and over? I’d love it if you’d share.

 

 

 

 

What Is Play?

In response to All They Need Is Play, Julie asks- “How to define play? I’ve always heard children learn through self-play, but I don’t know exactly what play is? Is it referring to letting my child stomp in the mud, or going to the playground? Could you please give me some examples on how to play with my child?

“Play is the answer to how anything new comes about.” Jean Piaget

Julie, What a great question! You are on the right track! Play can be letting your child stomp in a mud puddle, or climbing at the park. But even before children reach the age where they can stomp in mud puddles, they can (and do!) engage in self directed play. Here is my definition of play: Play is the way children learn about themselves, the people around them, the world they live in, and how things work in their world. Play is the way children naturally explore, and the way they gain and practice skills they will use for their whole lives. BUT play is not done to attain any reward, or end goal. Children gain pleasure from engaging in play, and this reinforces their desire to play some more.

 Curiosity

Play is any behavior that is freely chosen, personally directed, and intrinsically motivated. What do I mean by this? Ideally, your child chooses when, with what, and how to play, and is allowed to play with as little interference or direction as possible (with consideration for the safety of self and others) for as long as possible. Maybe because she lived in Los Angeles, the movie capital of the world (or at least the United States), Magda Gerber often encouraged adults to think of a child’s play like the making of a movie, and she advised allowing the child to be the main scriptwriter, director, and actor.

“Be careful what you teach. It might interfere with what they are learning.”  Magda Gerber

Play is a process of trial and error, and there is no right or wrong. Children are literally inventing the world anew when they play. Well meaning, loving adults can interfere with the process, by telling or showing a child how to play. For instance, if you teach your child how to use a paintbrush, it’s not the same as putting out the brush, and just letting her figure it out.

You might ask,”What’s wrong with showing my child how to correctly use a paintbrush?” Well, it shortcuts her exploration thus limiting her creativity, and if she is often shown how to play ‘correctly’ it may eventually erode her trust in herself, her desire to be an active explorer, and her willingness and ability to work things out by herself. Children quickly come to look to adults to show them or tell them the right way to play and even to do it for them.

Here’s an example: Playdough is a material that offers an endless number of possibilities for discovery and creation. If you hand a two and a half year old a container of playdough and nothing else, and you sit back and watch, he will happily play with it for a long time, poking, twisting, rolling, pounding, etc. Eventually, after having the opportunity to explore the dough in this way over the course of many weeks or months, he will begin to make things with the dough. But if you jump in and start showing him how to make play dough animals, he’ll quickly lose interest in his own exploration. Since he hasn’t reached the stage of being able to make animals by himself he will ask you to make animals for him. Now who is playing? Not your child! Can we trust children to learn from their own play if we don’t make things clear and explicit for them? I think so.

“When you teach a child something you take away forever his chance of discovering it for himself.” Jean Piaget

So what is your role as a parent or teacher of young children? The adult role is to create an environment that invites play and allows the child to explore and experiment within that environment to his heart’s content, without showing him how it’s supposed to be done. This leaves your child in control, and preserves his natural, inborn desire and ability (intrinsic motivation- from within) to play. When your child plays, he is not only learning, he is learning how to learn!

To me, there is nothing more exciting than watching a baby as she discovers for herself how something works for the very first time. What is obvious to us, is not always so obvious to a baby. For instance, one of the  play objects I use in class  is an empty 10 gallon water bottle with a narrow opening at the top. I place a basket of wooden pegs of varying thickness nearby. It doesn’t take long for most young toddlers to discover the pegs and experiment with dropping them  into the water bottle, but figuring out how to get the pegs back out of the bottle is another thing entirely. This is a “problem’ that takes most children a long time to solve if shows them how to do it, and most children will happily explore different ways of solving the problem for long periods of time without becoming frustrated.

Play (exploring) is everything your baby does. She does it naturally. Before she even plays with toys, she is “playing” and learning when she looks at her hands, or kicks her feet. She is experimenting with and learning how her body works. Everything is so new to a baby, and so everything is an experiment to try to find out how things work. She uses all of her senses when she plays. When she begins to pick up toys and taste them, bang them, drop them, and retrieve them, she is playing. When she responds to your words by babbling,  smiling, cooing, or she makes raspberries to get your attention, she is playing. As she moves, or plays with sounds, or drops and retrieves a toy, she is learning. She might repeat actions over and over with small differences.

You don’t have to hand her toys or show her what do to. You just have to provide a safe space for her to explore, and include simple objects, like balls, cups, spoons, dolls, empty containers, blocks, scarfs- toys that do nothing, so your baby can be active in discovering and creating her own understanding of the world. The very first play object we offer a baby in parent/infant classes is a cotton scarf, which we place in a peak, where a baby laying on her back can see it, and reach for it when she’s ready. This scarf is a staple of the play room from the time babies are about three months old, until they graduate from class at two years old. The babies use the scarfs in a variety of different ways as they grow. As your child moves from infancy into young toddlerhood, you can add a few more objects or elements (but choose wisely) to the play area, or vary the toys to  provide different opportunities for her to explore. Sand, water, climbing toys, push and pull toys, empty boxes, and (once she’s well past putting things into her mouth) playdough, are some suggestions.
Purple Paisley Bandana

You don’t have to do anything but trust, watch, and enjoy. Watch to see what she’s interested in, what she does with the play objects you’re providing. Watch to see how her understanding of the world and the people in it changes and grows. Soon you will see her begin to initiate and engage in play with other children. At first, she will begin to notice other children more and more, and try to make contact, maybe by touching, showing, taking, or exchanging toys. She’ll then  progress to playing peek-a-boo or chase. At some point, you’ll notice she starts to engage in pretend play,  using a block to pretend to “talk” on the phone, drinking  from a cup, or patting her babydoll to sleep. As her understanding of her world and the people and things in it grows, so does her play become ever more complex and sophisticated.

You offer the greatest gift when you allow your child to play her way, with you as a witness to her discoveries. This is what Magda Gerber called “wants nothing” time: “Most of us are used to, and conditioned to, doing something. Wants nothing time is different, more a time for taking in and waiting. We fully accept the infant’s beingness just by our own receptive beingness.” We also allow, encourage and protect a baby’s natural ability to experience joy in  learning and creation, while she builds her self confidence, attention span, and more. These are the “bonuses” of self directed, or free play.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. What is your definition of play? Do you see a difference between child led or free play, and structured or adult-led play? Do you think children learn more from their own explorations or do they need adults to teach them and show them how to play, or is it both? What gets in the way of allowing your child to play freely? Finally, how many different ways can you think of to use a cotton scarf?

P.S. For more on play,  Janet Lansbury’s blog can’t be beat if  you are the parent or teacher (educarer) of  babies and toddlers, and Teacher Tom’s blog is my top pick if you are the parent or teacher of children age two and older.

 

 

 

 

 

 

All They Need Is Play

Angelina writes: “I have been reading your blog articles as well as following on Facebook. I wish that I knew about your classes when my almost 2 year old was a baby! I was wondering if you could answer a question that I have been having or perhaps provide some insight. There are many blogs that I have been seeing raving about “Tot School” basically a semi-structured school time for young toddlers to preschoolers. I have done a few of the worksheets, art activities, and Montessori activities with her and while she enjoys it and has learned a lot, I can’t help but wonder if it’s too structured. What are your thoughts on early learning at this age? Could it be detrimental or am I maybe being too paranoid?”

playing outside - spring has arrived!

Dear Angelina,

First, thank you for reading, and for trusting me enough to ask for my opinion.You are  not being at all paranoid. In fact, you are being quite wise to question the value of a semi-structured school time that utilizes worksheets to teach your two year old. I hope you won’t mind that I chose to answer your question publicly, but it is one that comes up frequently, and my hope is that others will benefit from reading, and entering into the discussion.

I hadn’t heard of “Tot School” before, so I did a quick google search, and was dismayed by my findings: “For those of us with older children who are homeschooled, we often place a lot of emphasis on them while the tots just *play.* This isn’t bad, it just didn’t work for me. Personally, I felt I was losing valuable 1 on 1 time with my precious tot that I had with my first child since he was the only one then. Tot School is the time each day I spend with my tot, exposing early learning skills through FUN play.”

Now, there are two aspects of this I love: The first is the idea of spending some time each day focused on your toddler, and the second is the idea of fun play. ( Play is what your daughter naturally does, and she doesn’t need to be shown how to do it well!)  But what I don’t agree with is “exposing (your child to) early learning skills through FUN play.”  Why? Because as soon as you define a ‘learning goal’, and begin to actively ‘teach’ your child through using worksheets, or introducing planned activities and materials that are to be used in a prescribed way to teach number and letter skills (for instance), your child is no longer engaging in free, experimental, self guided, creative play, and the learning is no longer her own.
It’s just not necessary to expose your daughter to “early learning skills” in a structured, artificial way, because your two year old is constantly learning everything she needs to know just by being involved in her daily routines, actively exploring her world at her own pace, and engaging in relationship with you, the rest of her family, and the children at your local playground. All she needs is play to learn what she needs to learn, and to see her through to the time in her life when she is ready for more structured learning and instruction (ideally, sometime after the age of seven).
This is only one story about one little girl, but it illustrates what I’ve observed any number of times, over a number of years, with a number of children. S. who is now six, and in the first grade, is reading fluently at about a fourth grade level. She loves reading and writing, and just got her first children’s dictionary last week, which she begged her Mom to allow her to sleep with. I learned S. could read one day last year when there was a book fair at the school library, and we went  to look at books together. She picked up an early reader, and said “Do you want me to read you a story from this book?” I (of course) said yes, and she sat down and proceeded to read the whole book in an animated way, without a hiccup. I was a bit shocked, to tell the truth. I asked her if  her teacher had read the book to her earlier that day, and she said “No Lisa, I just know how to read it.” That night, as I shared the story with her parents,  they told me they had just discovered S.’s reading abilities earlier in the week, when she announced that she wanted to read a new book of fairy stories to them at bedtime. They were similarly amazed by her ability and fluency.

Reading by the window

The interesting thing is, her parents and I never focused on teaching S. to read through any formal means, like through the use of flashcards or worksheets, or other structured learning activities. We are all avid readers, and she sees us reading and writing regularly. We also took her to the library once every couple of weeks from the time she was about a year old, and of course, we  cuddled up and read to her daily. Other than that, S.’s  “schedule” as a toddler was just hanging out playing with me or her parents, until she was three and a half,  and started to attend a totally play based preschool for a few hours every morning, where she chose to spend most of her time in the dress up corner, or outside on the monkey bars.
It’s ironic that you wrote to me yesterday because a sobering article was just published in Scientific American which addresses exactly the question you are asking. Entitled The Death Of Preschool, the byline reads: “The trend in early education is to move from a play-based curriculum to a more school-like environment of directed learning. But is earlier better? And better at what?” The article concludes, “Perhaps most disturbing is the potential for the early exposure to academics to physiologically damage developing brains.” Yes, you read correctly, there is evidence to indicate early exposure to academics may actually damage developing brains. Not what any parent wants for their child, by any means.

…parents might be surprised to learn that “just playing” is in fact what nearly all developmental psychologists, neuroscientists and education experts recommend for children up to age seven as the best way to nurture kids’ development and ready them for academic success later in life. Decades of research have demonstrated that their innate curiosity leads them to develop their social, emotional and physical skills independently, through exploration—that is, through play.

Angelina, all of my education, experience, and instincts combined, lead me to believe that all your little girl needs and what she will most benefit from right now, is your loving care and attention, and the opportunity to play freely (you might give her a ball or a doll, read her a book, or take her to the park)  “mucking about” to her heart’s content. It so happens that Janet Lansbury published a post yesterday that I can’t recommend highly enough, which also addresses your question. Janet shares 10 Secrets To Raising Less Stressed Kids, and gives lots of great ideas for what to do instead of “teaching” through structured activities. She also offers a great resource list for learning more.

I will continue to write here, and post links on Facebook that I hope will  inspire you to enjoy your daughter, and create an environment that will allow her to flourish through play. If you want to read even more, check out any of the books listed below, which were recommended in the Scientific American article, and happen to be ones I also regularly recommend:

Einstein Never Used Flashcards: How Our Children Really Learn—And Why They Need to Play More and Memorize Less. Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Roberta Michnick Golinkoff and Diane Eyer. Rodale Books, 2003.

The Philosophical Baby: What Children’s Minds Tell Us about Truth, Love,and the Meaning of Life. Alison Gopnik. Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 2009.

Mind in the Making. Ellen Galinsky. Harper Paperbacks, 2010.

 

Wishing you and your little girl many happy (unstructured),  playful days together!

 

 

Wordless Wednesday – Is this good for babies?

 

 

For your consideration and discussion:

 


“We are conducting the world’s greatest experiment in real time on our children,’’ said Liz Perle, editor in chief at Common Sense Media, a San Francisco nonprofit group that helps parents manage media and technology.